月光

超级星光大道1，我从开始就非常看好与喜欢林宥嘉。Yoga也发了自己首长专辑《神秘嘉宾》，深受大家喜爱。

超级星光大道2，我最支持的是梁文音与黄美珍。美珍与2届冠军组成了“神木与瞳”发了专辑。文音的天籁之音也非常让人期待她的新歌。

超级星光大道3，我最喜爱的参赛者，也是新加坡的代表，黄靖伦，终于将要发个人首张专辑。虽然他的知名度在本地还没那么强，但他可是台湾观众最喜爱的星光3参赛者，让他成了星光3人气王。非常独特的阴阳嗓，有时听不出是真假音，听不出是男或女，难以取得。他也是星光3班首位发专辑的参赛者，抢先于冠军徐佳莹。他签进“伟忠帮”成了杨宗伟的师弟。为你介绍的首张专辑《伦语录》的首播主打《月光》。请大家新加坡人多多支持本地新人！

Popoye Chicken

Me and my medic course friends went down to Singapore Flyers yesterday evening to satisfy our craving for Popoye Chicken. In the past, only when i visit the airport then can i grab the opportunity to consume this american fastfood restaurant. Now that it opened another branch in Singapore Flyers, it is much for convenient for us. Anyway, the chicken wasnt as tasty as the branch in airport, and its quite ex. After that, we took a shuttle service back to City Hall and had Ben's & Jerry icecream which we ate and chatted until 10pm. So much for the TGIF mood yesterday.

你不是真正的快乐

为大家独家介绍五月天收入在将要发最新专辑里头的主打歌《你不是真正的快乐》。歌曲风格是抒情摇滚，由阿信作词作曲。星期一首次在网上听到台湾电台首播这首歌时就被吸引住了。本人觉得歌曲的涵义很有意思，说的是在笑声背后，笑道人是否真的快乐。就如其中的歌词“你不是真正的快乐，你的笑只是你穿的保护色”与其“这世界笑了 於是你合群的一起笑了”。我们是为了什么而笑？是因为自己快乐吗？还是受到当时下短暂的某事件、因素、挑逗而开怀大笑。但是，笑玩了，又归回原本，自己之后又是否是快乐的？如果不是有为什么会笑呢？是因为大家都在笑吗？为何不能坚持自己的心情心境，若不快乐又为何要笑呢？以上是本人对于歌曲的自我分析和歌曲给本身传达的含义。

观看的此歌独家首播的MV，是关于一个男生在街上卖笑话，传达快乐，为的是筹钱买条衣服给瘫痪的女友。街上的受惠者，也是购买者都在听了笑话后开怀大笑，但是之后又回到自己之前的心情。而这个卖笑话的男生，虽然自己在传达快乐，但自己一点也不快乐。MV中又出现另一名女生，在游乐园里版白雪公主抖大家快乐，但下了班卸了妆却一点也不快乐。同样的，这两位本身都不快乐，却在经营快乐的兜售，体现出个矛盾。最后男生带瘫痪女友到游乐园去跟白雪公主拍照。男友跟女友讲了个笑话，女友笑了。不知你看了MV会是感到伤心，难过或启发。本身是心潮澎湃，也引起了我对于笑与快乐之间关系的思考。我觉得这是一首很有意义的歌，所以大力像大家推荐，请大家多多益善！



人 群中 哭著 你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会梦 或痛 或心动了
你已经决定了 你已经决定了
你 静静 忍著 紧紧把昨天在拳心握著
而回忆越是甜 就是 越伤人了
越是在手心留下 密密麻麻 深深浅浅 的刀割

你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳

这 世界 笑了 於是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则 不是 你的选择
於是你含著眼泪 飘飘荡荡 跌跌撞撞 的走著

你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳
你不是真正的快乐
你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧 却像隔著银河
难道就真的抱著遗憾一直到老了
然后才后悔著

你值得真正的快乐
你应该脱下你穿的保护色
为什麼失去了 还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让悲伤全部结束在此刻
重新开始活著

The Houseflies, the Scorpion & the Wild Boar

I'm back from "Exercise B", alive. I'd always thought i would die in the wild of Life Firing Area in my one week stay there. Its so psychologically challenging for a softie like me who's so used to staying in aircon room and look at computer screens in my NS life. It has always been the case when I've gone through shit or was on-going through shit that i've learnt how to appreciate the convenience and comfort of my daily life. What a loser.

Anyway, there were some non-combat aspects of this exercise that i would like to mention, or dictate. Being deployed in one of the many many giant hills in LFA, i was so exposed to the torments of this tropical vegetation. First of all, the houseflies. These creatures irritated me for the true few days i've been out there. More so than the mosquitoes (because i brought along mosquito coils and repellents to spam).

But anyway, pardon me for digressing previously, these little houseflies were true irritants. They were not in sight when we first arrived at the spot of deployment. Rather, we do not exactly know where they come from. After setting up the admin area where food and water were introduced, these little creatures started swarmping in from nowhere, occupying our rest area like tyrants. They multiply as the days went. More interestingly, they seemed to be over-enjoying their buffet that they started landing on our sweaty SBO or even us human beings, as though they've mistaken us for the food on the table instead. They constant merry-making, flying around like little children run wild in a play house were complimented with our fustration and frequent swarpping. Totally nuisience.

Anyway, talking about food ration during outfield, i am always totally turned off by the pungent of strange concortion of smell diffusing from the re-used meal bags thats not often washed. Leftover food in the meal bags create even more "aromatic-theruputic effect" that made me feel like puking. As such, i seldom eat outfield and it may serve as a good source of diet plan.

On the friday night, one of the personels was stung by a freaking scorpion at the neck. He initially came looking for me with complains of sharp pain at neck, as though an insect bite, but did not know what is it. I dismissed him off after observing the area, finding no marks of bite, hence suggesting him to seek me if he was to develop any forms of anaphalytic reaction. However, moments later, he came back to me with a plyer in his hand. On the damn plyer was a pathetic looking scorpion he caught crawling over his body. At that moment i was so shock and hence decided to evac him to the nearest medical centre. However, what disgusted me was how slow the admin procedures of the camp and medical centre was in this case. You can feel my fustration as i yearned for immediate medical assistance from the med ctr for my dear patient who could fell into anaphalytic shock anytime (though he is still able to talk and walk). Oh well, cursed that scorpion who got me into these mental traumas.

Anyway, during my stay in the LFA, i wasnt as lonely as i thought i would be due to frequent visits by wild boars. I suspected that they were the same 2 wildboars that kept on visiting the deployment site. My first sight of the wild boar caused me great shock as i wasnt prepared for it. It was especially during the evenings that they visited, probably searching for food around. Or it could be possible that we intruded into their territory. Anyway, there was this once where i was alone in the admin tentage and the wild boar started circling the area, as though it was to barge in anytime to steal food. I never dealt with wild boars before so i was rather afraid at the point of time. The last thing i would ever want then was a wild boar charging at me in fury. Anyway, back to the scene, the fearless wild boar started approaching the tentage with me inside. I was in a lost of what to do. Just as it was about 1 to 2 metre away, i stood up, about to run out. But it stopped advancing. I stared at it with my arms folded like some angry owner guarding his territory. Little did i expect the wild boar to walked away as i gave a sigh of relief. But repeatedly, the wild boars still came back to visit, waiting upon opportunities to steal food from us. It had caused me sleepless nights for fear of it charging in when i was asleep.

So much about the torments i've gone through during my few days stay in LFA, with regards to the creatures and the fact that i could not sleep, eat and shit in peace, i feel that this visit to LFA has got its merits. This restricted area has actually alot to offer for nature lovers. The beautiful and majestic landscape comprising of reservoirs, big hills and greenery is really good for the eye. The scenery from the top of one of the hills, overlooking the entire LFA, is fantastic. As we deployed in many hilltops, i got to see the untouched side of singapore's natural tropical vegetation. Well, perhaps the natural landscape was so well preserved due to its restricted entrance to civilians. Only soldiers who are training can enter.

But anyway, thanks to this long outfield, i came back this afternoon, after switching with my colleague, taking a long hot water bathe and wash my boots which were so stained by mud of the wild. Will be back to medical centre tml with alot of unfinished and outstanding tasks in hands. It would be a busy week ahead.

Pre Outfield Syndrome

There will be a major exercise lasting 2 weeks starting this weekend. All innocent, honest and upright combat medics in my medical centres are down for this exercise as cover medics for the different units involved. I have my share of it by having to cover for 5 days. It will be the case of 5 days surviving with nothing but my medical equipments in the unforgiving mosquitos-infested forest of western Singapore. As such, my pre-outfield syndrome starts to kick in, damping my morale to a new low, even though its the weekend. My cover officially starts on wednesday evening. I've experienced this kind of tormenting environments many times before in the past hence i will not wish to experience it for even one more time. Me fighting the boredom and the commando trained mosquitoes is a dreadful thing to do. Time seems to past very slowly during outfield and the mosquitoes seem to be a bigger enermy than any other human aggressors. In the morning, you battle the boredom, the weather, the heat waves, the houseflies....at night, you battle the mozzies in their fighter jets. Argh !!! And a few days later, your hair turns clay-ish, your nails stained with dirt, your face filled with grease....its horrible. Nonetheless, i will continue to encourage and motivate myself to survive through it. Winter signifies the arrival of spring. I can tell everyone, at least i am a MAN, i survive through these! At least i am honest and upright not to plan some crafty, scheming evil plots to dodge these outfields. At least i dont visit these place as often as the infantries, guards and commandos. At least i am only there to cover as a medic, and not to be physically involved in the manning of equipments. Or at least i am just consoleing myself. Weekend, its time to stock up my outfield comfort items, be it real physical relief or just psychological relief....insect repellents? books? tibits? Haiz....just want to tell my friends who have not been through NS that...if you think that your life as a student is tormenting enough, think of your friends hiding or camping in the forest (not Mas Selemat!!!), protecting SG. Oh well.

Pharyngitis

I am freaking sick now, after the weekend duty yesterday. Suffering from pharyngitis, i.e. sore throat. Must be too much karaoke on wed le. Now its complicated with running nose. Argh...have thoughts of taking MC outside but chosed not to because i am just too good a boy. Oh well...

追追追

Today damn crazy at Kbox. Initially tot of going topone but they were fully booked. So me and my friends went to Suntec Kbox instead. The usual hits were out again by each and everyone of us. But never did they expect me to start off with a Hokkien song by Jiang Hui called 落雨声. This spurred them on to start singing song2 hokkien songs like 一支小雨伞 and 要拼才会赢 . As a resort to win everyone, i made my first and most probably only attempt on this extremely extremely SONG2 hokkien song 追追追 by 黄妃 . Argh...its total mayhem. Damn funny. Anyway, the 5 hrs kbox session ended with everyone becoming mute. Anyway, here is a youtube video on the song which i sang. Damn funny and song2. Enjoy!

对自己的十大不满

人生无一切完美，往往会对自己生活的各个领域产生不满意之处。这种种不满，有些是自己能够控制的，有些则是认天由命，束手无策。起着完美主义的我也对自己多许不满，希望有朝一日能够填补生命中的这些瑕疵。

1· 样子长得不够帅

2· 身高比一般男子矮，只有166

3· 头脑没其他人灵敏，不够机智

4· 身体不够壮，瘦小身躯还囤积碍眼肥肉

5· 没养成健康习惯～饮食与运动方面欠缺

6· 不懂得与人socialize，社交圈子小

7· 胆小怕事，从小强到出门见识见识都怕

8· 没固定兴趣与嗜好，也没有什么过人之处

9· 斤斤计较的吝啬鬼，钱进口袋很难再出来

最后

10· 生活枯燥乏味又单调 ～ 还有6个月才ORD，身边又没有女朋友，钱又不多！

Random Day 12/09/08

The new stockcheck directive is so stupid! I spent the entire morning reading it and came out to the conclusion that its gonna make my life more difficult. Anyway, i did my first monthly stockcheck that is keyed into the system. The previous ones that i do were manual hand written ones so they werent really officer. Going back to camp tml for duty so i will continue from where i stop today.

Before dinner i went to the ATM to cash deposit my tuition fee earnings. Then i brought my new pair of grey coloured jeans which i bought a week ago at J8 bossini to AMK hub bossini alter. Its a free service anyway so why not make full use of it. Then went to NTUC to top up on my tibits supply to be brought into camp. Oh well, it will be 3 consecutive weekends burnt from now. At least its gonna make me save some money i hope.

New Blog Address

Hey guys, i've changed the official address of my blog to www.cmh-random-thoughts.blogspot.com !!! From now on, ye tian shi is HISTORY!!! Hahahaha. I've received feedback that the former address was kinda childish which i agree too. I adopted that name since like Pri 6 and used it for my blog address since i started blogging in 2003. You can date my first entry until now, this blog comes a long history. But as for now, this blog will move on, just like everyone of us, moving on in our different phase of life. I hereby declare the official change of address for my blog, please change your links to the new address. Thx!!!

Driving Test

After 5 months of practical lessons, its finally the day for me to reap what I sowed. And yes, its my driving test today ! Specially took a day off for this major event in my life. I started developing signs of stress such as diahorrea, stomach cramps and even fever one week ago with the condition escalating just yesterday when i felt weak throughout that i cant even climb out of bed. I wonder if these were just the product of my stress or i am really contracted with gastroenteritis.

I woke up this morning feeling the cramps in my stomach again. Damn. I looked out at the window praying that it will not be a rainy day...well its partly cloudy, as per my wish. I basically did nothing the entire morning even though i thought i may hit the pool for a swim, however gave myself the excuse of not wanting to tire my legs out during the test. I was emotionally feeling normal, or at least i tried to remain calm and normal. 11.30am, i walked out of my habitat and bought lunch at subway. I did not have breakfast. It could be due to the gastroenteritis again that i've lost my appetite.

After lunch, i slacked for a while longer and then took a bath before leaving for the driving centre. I reached at 2.30pm for my warm up session. I was one of the few early ones. The warm up session was okay, no major gross errors, it was rather a smooth one. I hope my test would proceed as smoothly, i prayed. Then the SSDC instructor brought me up to level 3 to wait where i waited for the examiners to claim us.

The wait was a rather long one, it makes my heart beat faster, then came the examiners who briefed everyone about the test. Computer balloting of testroutes and instructors gave me test route 8. Upon knowing i was to do test route 8, my heart sank. "Shit!" i said inside me. Its the shortest but most difficult test route of all - lane changing across 2 major roads with heavy traffic (AMK Ave 6 and Ave 5) with a very sharp u-turn of no stopline ! I knew i was done for it.

I followed the fierce-looking instructor down to the car i warmed up earlier on and then started out with the circuits. I was calmer than I thought i would be. Everything was smooth until i hit the roads. The examiner lambasted me at how slow i drove in this kinda road condition where every car is speeding for their life. Then he asked me to made a uturn infront (which was not the designated ones). Then i recalled what my friends said - dont memorise test routes, the examiners may not follow through the entire course. At this point, i analysed that i either drove too lousily or had one immediate failure that the test process must be cut shot so as not to waste time, or that my driving was okay and there isnt need for further assessment.

Nonetheless, as i tried to remain optimistic and returned to the circuit, just before i was about to turn into the gate, this pedesterian appeared from nowhere wanted to cross the gate but i did not notice her fast enough to slow down and merely just turn in. SHIT !!! I thought to myself, there goes many many points. Its that kinda mistakes you never wish you would have committed, or at least bumped into by chance during your test.

As my car pulled to a halt, i followed the tester into the room at level 3 waiting for my results. I was, again, suprisingly not feeling very panic or anxious, i was just, calm. With the results slip in his hand, he lambasted at me again for how i never hit gear 4 at the major roads outside and how i did not slow down for that lady pedestrian (curse her!!!) and then he handed me this...

I did not feel elated or relief upon receiving this when i saw the demerit points. As you can guess, I merely scraped through the test. I hid the demerit pts part so as to avoid gloating from others. I know its something not worth celebrating. If not for that cursed pedestrain that poped out from nowhere i could have scored MUCH better, she cost me 8 points!!! Damn, at least i passed, but sadly and disapointedly, a borderline one.

After coming out of the examiner office, filled with guilt and self blame, i was made to watch this 7 min long video on road safety and then queued for more than half an hour to register my license card. Because the pass will take a month or so to be made, i temporarily received this that certifies me legal to drive:

After the big woohaa that happened in the driving centre, i walked to AMK Hub where i spent $13 bucks on the probationary plate:

Well, at least i can drive my father's car from now. At least i passed.

Jeans + Mooncake Fairs

I bought a pair of grey colour jeans this afternoon which cost me $39 (original price $46 but i borrowed my sis' popular bkshop card which gave me 15% discount). I initially set aside $70 to buy John Mcmurry's Organic chemistry reference book but i've spent part of it on this pair of jeans. Well its the colour that i've been looking for, for quite some time, hence the opportunity cost of this pair of jeans will be the reference book. Guess i'll have for Sept pay day to gather enough money for that book.

Recently noticed the prevalence of mooncake fairs appearing at almost every single shopping mall in Singapore in celebration for the coming mid autumn festivals. I've visited Parco bugis, Takashimaya, J8, AMK Hub, Tampines Mall, etc and there were mooncake fairs in each and every of them. Surprisingly, the similarity of these fairs are that those participating retailers came from the same few top notch hotels like Marriot, Swissotel The Stamford, Orientol, Goodwood Park, etc. While the mooncakes on sales are largely similar, the eye catching part happens to be their packaging of mooncakes, getting more and more luxurious and delicate. Those traditional metal boxes used to store 4 mooncakes in the past were no longer in fashion now as the different retailers came out with their unique plastic/paper/cardboard boxes of striking colours and patterns that one would not bare to throw them away after consuming the mooncakes. It seemed like the various retailers are competing in terms of packaging than the mooncakes itself.

Wall E

Went to watch Wall E at The Cathey with Nel yesterday after work. Basically braved the rain while i made my way to the MRT where i caught a train down all the way to Dhoby Ghout. Was in a rush due to late last parade. The show was nice, overall. It is a rather family orientated cartoon which touched on topics like environment issues and also pure simple love. I love the cuteness of Wall e when he interact with Eva throughout the entire film. The scene started off with Earth being overwhelmed by rubbish and waste that it is no longer sustainable for life. The entire human race went onboard on a Multinational company branded spaceship that brought them to space to live for the next 700 years. Wall E the only surviving robot left on Earth was attracted to Eva who came to Earth to explore and search for plants and liveform. They eventually fell in love and Wall E tracked all its way to the spaceship when Eva was deactivated and brought back upon the discovery of a surviving plant. Back in the spaceship, the captain was surprised by the discovery of lifeform in Earth and wanted to head back home while it battled the "evil" computer generated advisor who suggests remaining in space. Eventually human beings were brought back to Earth with the aid of Wall E and Eva and they started learning how to lead a Earthing human life. It gave me an apocalyptic feeling at the end of the firm when human beings so used to technology in the outerspace and once belong to earth, had to relearn how to survive in earth like making fire and farming just like their first ancestors of the caveman era. I love how they inject humour and cuteness into the robots, specifically wall e, eva and the cleaner who cleans foreign-detected dirt. At large, i strongly recommand this film for all to watch, be it in the cinemas or at home "pirately" downloaded.

乒乓热

我国乒乓女队从北京奥运凯旋归来，掀起一股乒乓热潮。国人不止开始消遣打乒乓，也在茶余饭后谈乒乓。大家在给予乒乓选手热情掌声之余，也给予首争议性的乒乓事件热烈轰炮。这场风波，可说是闹得满城风雨，惊天地泣鬼神，被无辜牵连的球员们也是无时无刻处于尴尬场面，赢了奖牌也无法好好庆祝一番，真是可怜呆！事件终于在今早当事人（闹事人）的道歉下挂上句号，结束了几个星期的激烈争执。但是，凡走过必留下痕迹，凡被打过必留下瘀青，相信被卷入风波者应该还需要一些些时间心理疗伤，让一切沉淀下来。

好啦，不说这种敏感的话题了。我的兵营里也开始越来越多人在打乒乓。相信一切都是我医疗中心里的同僚们开始的吧。由于我的同事中有一位受过专业训练的校队选手，常常邀其他同事在有空时大乒乓，便慢慢的受到其他军队注意到。其他军队的士兵们也渐渐出现一些热爱打乒乓的玩者来抢地盘。其中，也出现了一些球技惊人的乒乓怪卡。这些怪卡都是前校队的球手，隐藏在兵营里茫茫人海中，但球技却是不可忽视。虽然知道自己更本无法跟他们相比，但看这些怪卡互相打起专业水准的球来，也是蛮精彩的。这几天本医疗中心来了三个新人，其中之一也是前校队成员！期盼观看他与另一位同事过招，甚至与其他怪卡来一场乒乓厮杀战，相信一定不敌在奥运现场观看球赛。这场乒乓热相信会在不久的将来继续燃烧，它也激励了我把自己没受过训练又不到半桶水的球技继续进步。加油！

十二莲花

上周末与好友到狮城大厦观看《十二莲花》。由于去年我们俩都看了陈子谦的《881》而给予高度欣赏，所以非常期待观看该导演今年的另一巨作。无奈的是，我们都对这部同样与歌台作为题材的本地电影感到失望。踏入戏院的那一刻，就明白传媒所报道关于《十二莲花》不卖座的新闻并非续传。戏院是空当的，只有不到十个观众入席。电影一开始就无法抓住我的注意力。本身虽然不是专业的影评人，但却苟胆发表我的观后言。我认为整部戏没有高潮。重开是到结束，就一直述说主要人物“莲花”的坎坷一生。从小莲花到少年莲花到大莲花，电影一直在做她们有多惨，看到我也好惨，有点浪费钱浪费时间的感觉。歌台的亮丽景象大大减少，没有比去年的《881》精彩。福建歌可是无时无刻，随时随刻伴奏演出，就算是吃饭化妆，只要有机会，主要演员就会开口唱，有如歌舞剧一样。到来最后，当大莲花被夺取母亲代代传下的名贵项链而被折腾到死去活来时回想起从小到大所经历的坎坷一生后就结束。我觉得这个结束有点突然，没好好交待结果。这就如初院时写GP作文的一个段落一样，有thesis，有elaboration，有很巩固的evidence，却没有一个很好的conclusion。因此，我建议要前去观赏的朋友们再三思。

我错了！

人非圣贤，孰能无过。一人一生的生涯中往往会犯错。而我，却犯下了滔天大罪版严重的错误。这关系到本人的专业，更关系到被牵挂的他人。等待面对“控状”的我开始为犯下的错而困扰，甚至茶饭不思。反省了很多，还是无法潇洒坦然的放下这件事。只因为我问心有愧，就算他人可不计较，本人也过不了自己良心这一关。看着这件事如意料到版的越闹越大，渺小的我顿时感到无奈无助。这一切只是短短的几分钟，却给我给他人刻下难以磨灭的伤痕。我好懊恼，也很忏悔。我知道这是我不应该犯下错，但却不知为何明知故犯，真是有点说不上去。大家都说，一个人犯了错，最重要是改过，从中吸取教训，并且得到大家都原谅。但是，就算得到他人的宽容的原谅，我却无法原谅自己，继续周旋在我个人的自卑感里。因为这一切，已重重地打击了我的自尊心与自信心。我无法振作起来，重回当年的光彩。我觉得我会继续地活在自造的罪恶感中，难以托生。会改过自新又如何，被宽恕了又如何，若自己无法原谅自己，过自己这一关，那将会是一错再错。我是一个自卑感很强的人，我很在乎他人对我的评价与观点，所以常常会努力把自己的本分做到尽善尽美，以得到他人的认同与赏识。我也从中培养起完美主义的自我要求。可能在他人眼中，我是个很优秀的，常常会把我当成一个目标。但是真实的我却是个彻底的失败者，因为我不重视自己。常听他人说，如果自己不重视自己的成绩，又如何让其他人重视自己呢？我认为，我这一路来所建立起的“美好形象”就这样被我无意犯下的这错给摧毁了。自卑的我，觉得从今天起，大家会以不一样的眼光看我，我不再是大家眼中的“质优生”了。所以说，这次的错严重地打击了我的自尊与自信。很懊悔！我错了！我会从中学习谦卑。我会牢牢记住这一天的教训，时时刻刻在脑里提醒自己做事要更加谨慎，三思而后行。

祝我生日快乐

“生日快乐，我对自己说。蜡烛点了，寂寞亮了。。。”

明天8月11日是本人20大寿。好啦，20岁并不算是什么大寿，只是另一年的生日。一年过一年，开始有点麻木了。尤其今年将从1字头迈入2字头的岁数，真的有点不期盼。不是因为怕老才这么说，而是觉得每年生日如依，没什么特别值得期待的，只不过是另外一天罢了。

记得小的时候很期盼生日的到来，尤其是幼稚园的时候，会要求家人准备一些糖果之类的玩意儿，将它们精心包装，然后带到幼稚园与大家分享。这可是当时幼稚园里的一种“习俗”，看到别人这样做，自己也要跟风。回想起来，也觉得那是有点无聊。这么做为得到的喜悦来至于分享的快乐，还是以父母的金钱换来一些别人给予“必须”的生日祝福？

到来小学、中学，然后初级学院，身旁的朋友给予的生日祝福也渐渐减少。由于自己“孤僻”又“慢热”的个性，所以很少交到友谊很深的朋友伙伴，自己常常也是同学群中一边的野草，不受瞩目，不受欢迎。所以生日时，祝福与庆祝也自然少了。不怪别人，也不会自责这是自找的，只是会在每年的今天决定一点点孤单，但这孤单也渐渐的随着时间淡化。

如今，每年的生日都是与家人度过。这也好，至少受到的祝福是真诚扎实的。并不是说这一路来给予我生日祝福的朋友们都是虚伪不真诚的。但是我觉得“今年祝你生日快乐，明年少或不见面后就忘记你存在”的例子太多了。还是朋友因为当天上网时刚好收到Friendster或Facebook的生日提醒时才临时寄送一则简讯祝贺。但我还是很感激一小群年年都记得本人生日的朋友，从不迟到的祝福，对于这，我非常感激，也非常感恩彼此存在的友谊。

生日嘛，也不是每年家人请吃一顿丰实的后就过来。没什么特别。自己也并不要求他人精心安排一场轰轰烈烈的世纪庆祝会。只是常常问自己这个问题“然后呢？”吃了一顿好的，然后呢？收了礼物嘻嘻哈哈的过一天，然后呢？轰轰烈烈的搞一场派对，然后呢？特别的这一天过去了，然后呢？我也无法回答这问题。是不是自己早衰早老化的问题，所以才有这种对自己生日不再重视的感觉？在接下来的几年，甚至会不会起厌恶？我也不知道。感激母亲辛苦把我生下，然后养大。其实生日应该是来感恩母亲的吧？感恩她当时经历精神上与肉体上的疼痛，把你我带到这世上。

现在距离生日，倒数不到一小时。我不要什么大庆祝，我只要平平静静的过这一天。。。

SHINE for Singapore

今天是国庆日，刚好碰到星期六，幸好兵营有补回一天假给我们，否则绝对会摧心肝。今早原本要去游泳享受太阳，但伙伴却令是退缩，所以觉得自己一个人游也好无聊，就打消了念头。今早被恶梦吓醒后，就听到刚好附近的联络所传来庆祝声。确实是居委会所举办的国庆观典。享用了早餐后就赶往乌节路那会见朋友唱K。没想到刚巧碰上另一位朋友也在那唱K。由于下午有教补习，所以本人体现离开。唱完K又教补习，可说是累坏了我的嗓子！教完补习后也已经是5点多钟了。外头正下着雨。这几十年的国庆日，好像没下雨呀，怎么今年那么特别。不应该是“晴空万里”的吗？哈哈。怎么天气那么不作美。扭开电视观赏国庆典礼。看着看着雨也渐渐停了。没想到天空也会“Shine For Singapore” ，不错不错。由于昨晚刚好看了北京奥运开幕典礼，壮观的场面难免让我拿来与今天的典礼相比。逊色多了。但，我觉得两者都共同具备了一样的信念，那就是把各自的表演做的最好，以表示对自己国家的致敬。夜色低垂，典礼的灯光效果璀璨夺目，果然是在“Shine for Singapore”。最后的压轴烟花表演也让人顿时心潮澎湃，国歌奏起，大家感谢与感激自己身为新加坡人。好了，本人就在此祝贺我国43岁生日快乐！

看完烟火再回去

国庆典礼总彩排，附近的滨海湾桥与鱼尾狮公园都挤满了人，想抢先偷看国庆典礼的烟花表演。在傍晚7时抵达鱼尾狮公园的我，陪伴着家人参与其中。目睹了空军部队战斗机的惊赞演出，实在令现场观众在捏把冷汗的同时赞叹不已。天渐渐暗了下来，在不远处的国情舞台灯火灿烂。虽然看不到舞台上的表演，但大众的心情是高昂的，期盼的就是那璀璨的烟火在眼前头上绽放。终于等到了8时左右，黑暗的天空被第一蕊烟花给装扮了，接踵而来的是5分钟不间断的烟火表演，在万众期待下激情引爆。亲眼目睹五彩缤纷的烟火近距离地点燃夜空，令人心潮澎湃。一盏盏红、黄、绿、金、等颜色的烟火争先恐后地从水面上不起眼的小船上往无尽的夜空奔放，再从高处引爆成莎莎雨点般的烟花，点燃狮城滨海湾的夜空。我抬头往像那热情奔放的烟火，它们仿佛像激光枪的子弹想我扫射，让我顿时呆住了。烟火表演结束后，大众激情地喝彩，表达自己的欣赏。没后悔面临现场，没后悔保持站立的姿势，在人海拥挤的人潮中苦等1小时。我带着满足却不舍的心情离去。。。

生活平井

生活到了一个平井，实在的闷！还有大约7至8个月才退伍，好希望那天快点到来。7月也到了个结尾，8月即将来临！很快的，生日将要到来，20岁生日，希望过个不一样的生活。至于现有枯燥乏味的日子，也希望早日有所突破。