There is a sudden sense of loneliness developing within me. I felt alone, lonely. I seemed to be a loner, an outcast, a lowly respected and always neglected human being. Is this the repercussion for my personal indifferent social attitudes? After 4 years of education in secondary school, I felt that i do not have many friends that i am really attatched or relate to, in terms of friendship. Yes, i have lotsa friends, but none of them are close. They are just those "hi-bye" friends that occasionally chat via various modes of communication. I feel that i do not have a friend who knows me well enough to be my so call "buddy". I doubt my own skeptical attitudes on friendship. I attempt to chat with people i know online via msn. But guess what, try proving me wrong, i feel that you guys are annoyed by my constant "hi"s on msn. Am I that annoying? The answer should be an obvious definate. I am being portrayed as an obnorxious freak in class who "speaks with his ass like as though he has diarrhoea via his mouth". Yes, i confessed i am. I tried hard but i cant change. Shame on me. Sometimes i think back on how obnorxious, abhorrent, disgusting and loathsome behaviour of mine, i felt that the intense shame in me. But when i found out my shame, they have became history that scarred people's impression of me. I felt that i am being made a class clown. Not one that brings laughter to everyone by his humourous jokes, but one that is being laughed at or picked at for all his "negativity". People just relate me as a nobody. I feel that most of you guys portray me as a pain in the neck, a nobody who do not deserves much attention, in the right way. And hence thats my greatest regret for my 4 years education in ZHSS. There are some who i really treat you as good buddies, but i am not sure if the some-of-you treat me in the same way. I am not doubting your attitude towards me, dont get me wrong. I wanna be friends with you guys who accept me, or seem to accept me, forever. But alot of my good friends in zhss has either have their own clique or for some other reasons, cause our friendship to become more bland. I dont request 100% attention from you guys, but i hope there wont be any external factors like time that deteriorate and corrode our friendship. My dear friends, i hope this entry dont deteriorate our friendship. I am just feeling hopeless of myself. And for those who really treat me as a true friend, i hope our friendship remains this way for eternity or better still, improves. I am really grateful to that.......i juz feel like crying....for being an outcast.