Spent most of the day looking at prom photos taken by others who hav attend the once-in-a-life-time event. Everyone seems to hav enjoyed themselves. Upon looking through the photos, i can imagine how glamourous and grand the event was, however, there are also mixed feelings inside me that i would now like to voice out. I kinda regret not attending the event, however, on the other hand, i seems to feel that i made the right choice of not attending. I developed a sense of regret coz i cant be there with my friends and classmates and accquatince for the last time , perhaps. I regretted not being able to show others the "goodlooking" side of myself. Everyone looks great in the event, i mean, guys in suit girls in dresses, splendid apperance. I also wanna portray myself to be able to produce a good image/appearence infront of others to. I hav once imagined what i would wear if i were to go prom but i do not know if the reality of me wearing such great suits fabricates desirable images or not. Everyone enjoyed themselves, and the photos taken hav kept track of the historical moment. These photos kept the memories for eternity (if they dun disintegrate) and i wanna be part of the image casted in these great photos. I wanna take photos wif all my friends n classmates out there when we are of our best apperance. However, i some kinda feel happy i am not there. I dun wanna make pple unhappy by sharing the same table with them (u know, most pple do not like me). All my friends are either from other classes and hav their own clique to share a table with or they are not attending the event. This will spare me and others from being deprived of the enjoyment of the event. Secondly, i am sure i will be "sabotaged" to be "humilated" on stage. Yesh, these r healthy activities but u guys must understand that i am shy by nature and do not wish to be the limespot unless i am in a group of friends that i am comfortable with. Thirdly, i am pessimistic about how i look in those nice clothes to be worn to prom. I somehow feel that i am ugly, short and fat and i dont look nice in anything. I do not want to be a laughing stock throughout the whole night. Although the saying goes "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder", i some kinda feel that there is a line of distiction between good looking and not good looking, and unfortunately, i fall in the category of being not good looking in the eyes of majority. Yes, you may argue that its not the apperance that matters but i beg to differ. In reality, outer apperance do matter, sad to say. However, if you ask me if i will attend another prom that consist of the total graduating population, i may consider saying yes to it. I dream prom is to be able to share a table with my best friends out there and everyone enjoyed the different and unique atmosphere which cannot be moulded in any situation. Whether my reasons to and against attending the prom are valid or not, i still think that its a choice i hav made and i should bear no regrets for it. One hav to believe in himself. If i feel that this is the best way for me, and fate wants me not to prom, and here i am not attending prom, i shd hav no regrets. |
December 02, 2004
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