Firefly + Rejection

Just came back from a 3 days outfield at Simpang area. It is always excrucinating for me to go outfield for i cant stand the boredom and deprivation of both tangible and intangible comfort. Nonetheless, it widened my "myopic" sight and experience as i got to, for the first time in my 19 years of life, come in contact with Firefly ! The occasion occured around 7pm during my first night out there as i was resting in the tonner facing the bush. As the sky darkened, i spotted specks of lights appearing on and off around the bushes. Upon closer observation, these lights started to fly about randomly only to my realization that these are actually fireflies. These beautiful little creatures never came across my thought that they exist in Singapore, a relatively hot and humid habitat. They were actually smaller than i thought, or perhaps they were smaller version due to the harsher condition here. But these little shining creature served as a form of consolation to my "terrible plight" of being stuck outfield.

I got back home only to find a letter lying on my study table. Upon opening it, i got a letter that reads disapointment into my eyes. Its a letter from MOE telling me that my application for the teaching award is unsuccessful. At that instance, i just stared at the letter blankly. I was rather surprised, after that, with my reaction for i felt no dispair nor disapointment. Perhaps i did not take the application too deeply, or perhaps i was too numb. But still, it took some time before a little disapointment set in. Its not for the money but for the recognition, pride, honor and prestige that matters to me. I think my friend and colleague Kenneth has a high chance of getting it for he is more charasmatic than me and can better express himself to impress the interviewees. This natural charisma is a very vaulable asset of his which i do not have. It is hard not to feel a little sour if he gets it and not me despite my "better academic results" but as a good friend of him (i treat him like my bro) i truthfully congratulate him and wish him the best. I will be happy for him, really. As such, i should now work learning to put this chapter of my life to an end and carry on with my life, you know, move on. As i said in my MSN nick, I didnt manage to get it, but its ok...人总要从挫折中学习更坚强 .

Am going for a long break soon. I took off on monday and tuesday hence i will only return to work on wed. Long weekend. Perhaps i need some time to take a break, reflect on my life all these while before recharging and moving on. Yes, move on, I WILL move on...