Cest La Vie ?

Was reading my previous years blog entries for the past half an hour, i realised how much crazier and more fun i was back then as compared to now. Perhaps i've matured over time, perhaps i've lost the "fun side" of me over time, perhaps i've learnt to be more "adult-like" over time.

Why?

Perhaps the more i've experienced, the more i became like that? Perhaps time really changes me? Perhaps the increase intensity of hardship, hard fact and hard feelings experienced over time has shaped me to be more restrained over my feelings? Am i going to turn into a frankenstein?

Why?

Friends come and go. We still keep in contact, we are still friends, but in terms of time spent together, its different. P6-1 classmates... 1E5/2E5 classmates ... 3E2/4E2 classmates....2205 classmates....BMT platoon mates... BMC platoon mates ... chong pang med ctr colleagues. They are not the same bunch of people. Different groups of people made up different leagues of my life, different periods of my life. As this constant change shaped me to what i am today?

I realise that i do have a very fun past. They constitute a crucial part of my memory. Fond memories. I am not as happy with my army life as compared to back then. Infact if life is so miserable on me, my coming 1 year 3 months could be not as happy. This is going to affect me. Just when i feel that i am so unfortunate comparing to my peers, the people i know past and present, perhaps its important for me to think that NS life, though forms a part of my memory, my life, but it is also only a small part. Lets say i get to live until 70. Two years of my NS life forms only a small part of my entire life's memory. The last moment, my last breathe. 2/70 = 2.9%? I still have so much wonderful past memories that constitutes a larger component than 2.9%.

What can i do?

Trying to live a carefree and happy life after NS could be a challenge but also a possibility to this current crisis. And then, what is 2.9% to me?

It really makes me smile when i read through my past entries. To think of it, i've blogged for 4 years. Since dec 2003. To compare with my peers who currently achieve more than me in NS, perhaps i can think, do they have these wonderful (at least) 4 years of memories i've got? It really stirred my thoughts and feelings by reading the past entries while being bothered by current unhappiness. Past memories = permanent. They are there for sure. Current unhappiness = permanent? Definitely not.

Well, this is life. People come and go. Events, major or minor, constitutes part and parcels of your life, just like bricks to a wall. This is life, cest la vie....